I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
