dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
How external is "for external use only"?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
