Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just found puke in my bra..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
