i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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