Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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