Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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