I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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