dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
