When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
