great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
