dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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