Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
