My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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