My first STD was from a foam party
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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