it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize