Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
