"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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