I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
