The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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