I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
