Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
