so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
