She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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