I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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