What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
