The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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