I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
