Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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