she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
