Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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