Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
