Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
