NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
