He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think a kid would responsible me up
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
