shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
