I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize