mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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