I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
