We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize