Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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