I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
