If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
