So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
