Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize