i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
