Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
