accomplished twins. life is a go
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
