remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
