Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
