If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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