this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
