Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize