we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
