You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
