I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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