that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
my poor anus
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize