i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
