So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
