Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
