considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
