mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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