I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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