hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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