whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
