I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
