i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i wish my penis had a tongue
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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