If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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