You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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