I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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