I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
