People with herpes should wear stickers.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
