I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
