fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Im part way to drunk.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
