So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
