I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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