hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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