If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
