Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
