Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
