How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
