my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
