do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I could make wine with my vomit
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
