My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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