we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
