Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
