Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
