i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
