New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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