She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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