the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
