Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
