The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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