We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
