she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
