I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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