He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
