remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
