Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
