you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Green mimosas i think yes
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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